THE FIVE BEST EPISODES OF MST3K...

I've spent far more time watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 than any respectable person should readily be able to admit. The kind of humor and overall perspective of that show have always seemed to be what "funny" must really mean to me since I was like 12 (when it was originally aired). I laugh an obscene amount while watching it. I've spit out drinks, hacked on some rips, and almost choked on starburst candy due to laughing complications during that show. If you are unlucky to have never witnessed an episode, the basic premise is friends making fun of bad movies, very very bad movies. These guys are funnier than your friends.

The following are my top five favorite episodes (yep):

Manos: Hands of Fate
By far, the worst and most bizarre film choice by the crew...which makes for some of the best jokes. A family gets lost driving in the desert and somehow invites themselves to stay with a strange man named Torgo. Torgo has massive pillow-shaped lumps in his pants in the knee regions, walks with a limp, speaks in fractured bursts, and works for an evil magician ("the master") who looks a bit like Freddie Mercury. The magician also has a harem of posessed wives who get in masssive cat fights. The best!

MST3K: The Movie
This was the culmination of many years of the tv series having a huge cult following. It's no different than any episode really, except for they swear a bit, it's shot on film, and you can tell they really tried to make every joke count. The movie they chose for it is "This Island Earth" which is bad but not the worst there is. Aliens are coexisting with elite professionals of earth, only to later reveal that they plan to steal our natural resources cause their own planet is dying. My favorite part is when they joke about the "painting of a burger on the wall".

Mitchell
I kept hearing about this episode, for years, from people who don't even watch the show much. It evaded my grasp until last year when I netflixed that shit. It is indeed a classic. Perhaps the most contrived, uninspired, run-of-the-mill, Charles Bronson-esque action cop film ever made, starring Joe Don Baker as a narco cop in the 70's. This was the last episode with Joel before Mike took over as host. (I won't comment on the Joel VS Mike debate, even though I have my favorite like most.)

The Sidehackers
This seems to be one that my fellow fans are sleeping on because nobody I talk to has seen it. Damn shame since it's one of the best! This is a really bad film, one of those movies made in the 60's to show how the counterculture "really is" in the most ridiculous of ways. Sidehacking is riding a dumb-ass sidecar off road motorcycle with a partner at a race with other fools like you. Of course everybody is a motorhead, Happy Days-styled greaser, beatnik, Hells' Angel, or the dreaded "square". Favorite joke: "You're so square baby, your head's like a box." "Yeah, but there's a prize inside."

The "Film Shorts" Collections
You can get these on a few of the DVD box sets that have come out (volumes 2, 3, 6). Probably some of the best material for ripping apart: classroom scare films, instructional hygiene films, government propaganda, and other various oddball shorts that would drive you insane under any other circumstances. It's hard to pick a favorite one, but I would have to go with "Last Clear Chance", a super dramatic short designed to scare the shit out of you. Best quote: "Where did it come from? It came on the tracks, it couldn't come from anywhere else." Uh, really?



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